**inspired by every guy i dated**
All to often my clients who come to me will find solace in speaking to me truthfully about their relationships and the partnerships they are in. Their honest feelings about the things their men (and women) do; the private conversations they have. They divulge great detail to me abut their sex lives and unmet needs, desires and fantasies.
I hear all the most intimate details and for those who are courageous enough to own their part in the relationships that are having issues, I hear the faint and obvious insinuation for a better life, a happier marriage, a more loving partner. Some will hear themselves and gracefully find their exit while others will ignore their own voices and move thru the cycles hoping things get better. Expecting change to evolve from this last incident.
As a bartender, it was even more blunt in the realm of hard truth. Each patron devulging more secrets with every shot. Getting more honest with every beer. I heard all things they didn’t want their partner to find out but couldn’t live with, without sharing them with someone. That someone, for many secretive individuals, has been me for the last 17 years.
another topic for another time….
One common thread I have come to witness with so many women is the line of lack of communication simultaneously married to a string of complaints about their partner and what he is or is not doing. Complaints, in fact, that tend to be just as much the woman’s fault as it is their mans.
Be fair in your relationships and step back and see the big picture.
And DO NOT fault every man you enter into a relationship with what your ex did. And when putting thought into your ex, remember how you fell in love. Why you fell in love. His great qualities exist. His short comings are no greater then yours.
we all have our weaknesses- we all have shortcomings.
but aren’t those the things that make us better people? recognizing traits that need work and moving out of them into a more attractive space? And recognizing traits that teach us things and grow us? Establishing areas of what you want in a relationship and the things that you just simply won’t settle for?
So, thank your men.
…thank them and love them for all their shortcomings. For all their minor and major issues.
For leaving the toilet seat up and the towel on the floor. For snoring so loud and not doing the dishes. For taking out the trash and building the cabinets. Thank them for opening your door and forgetting to bring home the paper towels.
Love them for all that they are, and all that they are not.
These men that we find so adorable and endearing; charming and funny; the men that were raised by single mothers and those who run entire companies. Because at one time during the onset of these relationships, we were smitten with some of the traits that come to be pet peeves and topic of conversation. We tolerated so much more in the beginning and accepted more then we would ever put up with now. But those things are impairative to our self growth and what we eventually come to understand what we want and need. The things that we had an appetite for that have since taken on a new identity for what we have discovered about ourselves.
Who cares if it ended. it wasn’t in vain. and your next man doesn’t deserve the blame for what your last man did. so thank them both. and thank them for all of it.
Thank them for the comfort they give you, and the late nite calls that come in. Have gratitude for them coming home late (no matter where it turned out that they were), enjoy their stories and how they talk too much; the fights they pick and the games they watch. Enjoy how they smell and sweat and eat and sing.
Thank them for all the support they give you and show gratitude when they buy flowers for no reason.
Love them for every pound they gain and scar they inherit; for every meal they cook and window they clean. Love them for putting the kids to bed, painting your room the wrong color and leaving the ice tray empty.
They are human and are teaching us as much as we are teaching them.
But we must remember that when the opening day of the relationship premiers and the impression you get is that of a perfect man, remember, he is no more perfect then you are. And he is learning what he wants and figuring out what he needs and before you know it,
you are eventually put in the position to love him or leave him
you are put in the position to love him AND leave him. So love him. No matter what. Thank him for all of it- the good and the challenging.
Because in those moments that you realize he is not for you; no matter how bad it seems, he gifted you with a priceless lesson that you are able to grow from.